The Birthday Card

File under Set the Bar Low (and barely exceed the bar)

So this post is a little personal and a little embarrassing. I’m not exactly proud of what I am about to recount, but it is the epitome of setting the bar low and it is what truly opened my eyes to the benefit of managing expectations.


When I was in college and much of my early adult life (who are we kidding, even sometimes today) I was horrible about remembering birthdays and anniversaries of family members, friends, and close relatives. While my sisters on the other hand were always prompt with a card or a phone call. I would even get reminders from my family of impending dates and I would still forget to send a card or make the call. Either I was too self-absorbed, had a bad memory, God forbid didn’t care enough, or a combination of all three. But what I was inadvertently doing was setting expectations of my thoughtfulness (or lack thereof). It became commonplace for my grandmother to receive birthday cards and phone calls from my sisters but not from me. It soon enough wasn’t even a thought that I hadn’t remembered. Then one day I did it. I bought a card, wrote a heartfelt note, and sent it on. Actually getting it there on time too! The response was more unexpected than I could have imagined. My grandmother prominently displayed my card in front of everyone else’s. She told all of her friends of her “thoughtful” grandson, and even bragged of my deed to my sisters when they called to wish her happy birthday. They understandably were livid. Although not proud of my lack of thoughtfulness I learned an important fact. The perception of my thoughtfulness was relative to the expectation that I had set.

My intent wasn’t then, nor is it now, to purposefully show a lack of caring or concern. And I wouldn’t advocate setting the bar low when it comes to people’s hearts, but I did learn something from the whole event. I spent the same effort my sister’s did in buying a card, writing a note, and mailing it, yet I received a different result because of the expectation that had been previously set. That concept does not apply only to birthday cards. You can magnify the impact and perception of an action solely by limiting the effort or experience before-hand.

This is precisely why we rush with joy to throw on hoodies and jackets in the fall when the temperature drops to 55 degrees, yet walk around in t-shirts and shorts in the spring when the temperature rises to the same 55 degrees. There has been a lack of experience of colder or warmer temperatures respectively and the perception (and anticipation) is new and exciting.

Song of the Day
I heard this song the other day and quite unexpectedly I found myself singing it all day long.  In honor of low expectations, and slow dancing like a 13 year old, the song of the day is The Dells' "Oh, What a Night".