The Disappointment

File under Set the Bar Low (and barely exceed the bar)

“Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” – Alexander Pope

I think I’ll spend a couple of posts on "setting the bar low." Let me say right now, they’re probably not going to be very good.

See how easy it is?

In semi-seriousness though it’s amazing to me how expectations of ourselves and others drive so much un-needed effort and stress. We dismiss the thought of setting the bar low as a funny mantra that can’t actually be followed, or if it is, with disastrous effect. I often hear: “That’s so true! But you don’t really mean that do you?”

But what is setting the bar low? It’s really nothing more than an aggressive form of managing expectations.

It’s easy to see, and much more accepted, when we manage emotional expectations; when we caution not to get our hopes up too high or sink too low. But what about in how we manage the expectations others have in us? That, we’re not so good at. We have a need to please, a need to be liked, and a need to be trusted that drives us often to commit to more than we are capable of achieving at work, at home, and in relationships.

There is a perfectly acceptable phrase in the consulting world: Under Promise, and Over Deliver. It’s nothing more than an equation: X + more = good. Look at the inverse: Over Promise and Under Deliver. X + less = bad. Why is that straight forward common sense approach so stigmatized in a negative light in our personal lives? Why is realistically committing to do less frowned upon? When do we spend un-needed efforts that don’t truly achieve our endstate and feel guilty when we fail?

Setting the bar low was the first “habit” I realized that started me down this path. In the next few posts I’ll talk about that and we’ll talk about some examples of why we have expectations, what they look like, how irrational they can be, and how we can set the bar low.

Song of the Day
In honor of a pretty good song that has nothing to do with this post, the song of the day is Architecture in Helsinki's "Heart it Races" as performed by Philly-based Dr. Dog.